Pregnancy

It all comes down to the pregnancy. As a parent, we wonder, where did we screw up? What did we do wrong? We want to blame something, even if it is ourselves on why our child is not "normal."

I use "normal" not as a way that a child should be, but as a way that society feels a child should be. The norms of socialization, academic norms and family norms.

Alex was a planned child. I wanted him so bad. Todd and I headed to Greece as our last act of being "newlyweds". I was always obsessed with Greek Mythology and history and we had an amazing time. I joked if we got pregnant over their our child would be names Zeus or Hercules, or Athena. Granted, his name is Alex, so we didn't get pregnant right away.

I never smoked, I didn't drink before, during or after my pregnancy. I barfed a lot, but not too much. I didn't gain too much weight. I took my vitamins and did everything I was supposed to. I played classical music and read. Nothing was too good for my baby and I knew he was growing inside me and wanted to give him everything from day one.

Alex used to hiccup all the time in my belly. But we didn't have any insight to who he was until I went into labor (which my husband slept through).

Finally at about 6, after being up all night timing my own contractions, I woke up, took a shower (I didn't want to be gross for the doctors... hey it was my first!), we went to the hospital. My water had not broken so that was one of the first things the doctor did. Then I got my epidural, and I had no clue about the pain. I was floating.

Alex refused to come out. He wouldn't drop, and soon his heartbeat was going erratic and the doctor and nurses started going a little crazy. I heard discussions of a C-section, which I didn't want (I hate sharp objects), but before I knew it, I was being prepped and cut open.

Soon I had a crying baby boy. He did good on his Apgar test, and he was taken one way, and I another... to the recovery room. Granted, it sucked. I was alone, except for the person next to me who was there for a bit. I wanted to see my baby.

Once I was recovered, I got to see him and he latched on like a pro! Breastfeeding, I thought, would be so easy. I loved the bonding.

Nothing was unusual. I breastfed Alex for 10 weeks and then he lived off frozen breastmilk for another 3 or 4 weeks. I felt we bonded very well, and I was in love. Todd was an amazing father (still is).

Now I look back on his not coming out as a foreshadowing of who he is. He is very stubborn and hates change. I can imagine him thinking in my uterus that he is happy where he was at, and there was no reason to go out there, and making up his mind. He was pretty unhappy at the change from my belly to real world, but seemed to get over it quickly. He always woke up with a smile.

The importance of this is that I did everything I could. I really can not think of anywhere I messed up to "cause" this.

For Alex's tests we, the parents, are also required to fill out a ton of paperwork. It's pretty intrusive in the questions it asks, almost making you feel like maybe it is all your fault. Now I know that is not true, and I'm assuming they use this for research to help them better understand everything.

The first year for Alex we did Kindermusik starting at 6 months, playgroups, lots of cuddling, reading, and love. He was a great sleeper and quick learner. He also had Reflux and spit up a lot. But really, he was perfect.